ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
