he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In America we eat man semen.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
