At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
