she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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