this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its not stalking. its research.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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