guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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