i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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