he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They took my balls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
