careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
