You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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