You're completely useless in the revolution.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
