Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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