If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
