You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize