my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
