There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
