her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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