shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
