just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
