after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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