i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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