I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
