I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When are your genitals available?
I would fuck him just for his dog
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
