it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
