If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
