I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
