Im at strip club and am horny
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
