I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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