Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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