There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
