Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
