We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
