i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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