So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
