hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
