Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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