I'm so fucking centered right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
