He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
