Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
