I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
