Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
