This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
