Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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