This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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