this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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