Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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