my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
