She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
