She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
