Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
