Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize