Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
