I want to make a zoo with you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
