either way he was missing a nipple.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dear god my vagina.
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