I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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