I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
false alarm. still invincible.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
