I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
