Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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