My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
