I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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