i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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