I feel like abortions should bother me more
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize