Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
